People always ask this question, "Who are you?" Instead of just replying, "me," we start to list off accomplishments, titles, relationships, characteristics (good and bad), and so on and so on. Plus so many will lie to portray who they would like to be. I started thinking...who am I? The first answer that came to me::"i don't know." I know my name, so no identity crisis going on, at least not yet. I know what I went to school for, I know my birth order, I know my role with the minors and all the others I choose to interact with. But is that all that DEFINES me? I don't think so. I know I can be really funny and I can also be a jerk (sweet jerk but none the less a jerk), but is that all to life? Many people spend their whole lives "finding" themselves. Why? Are you lost? Instantly I start thinking of a few people I know and they are lost, but they aren't even trying to "find" themselves, they are content in their chaos.
But back to this chaos in my mind (got to love an ADHD mind)...why waste time finding yourself and focus on your faults. We all have flaws and hang ups, but thats what makes us us. I have yet to meet a perfect person, or even a perfect poser that I liked. I'd be lying if I said I loved everything about me, but I love me and I can deal with the imperfections. I remember when I was younger, I hated the gap in my front teeth (it isn't huge, but I didn't like it). My teeth were straight so no need for braces. When I got into psychology, I even said that I would get veneers to cover the gap, so my clients wouldn't focus on it. Then I learned that with ALL the issues my client's would come to a session with, my gap in between my teeth was no where near their concern radar. That and now I like my gap, its a distinctive description of me. And distinctive things about individuals separate us from the world. These distinctive traits usually take time to embrace, but that's life.
My purpose before I go on another tangent, is that I am no longer "finding" myself, but defining myself. Not defining myself for the next simpleton that asks, "who are you?" The sarcasm in me will probably just blink at them until the subject changes. Ask my name or what you would like to know. I've always been a little weird, eccentric, to the left, but I'm fun, and I wouldn't have it any other way! In defining myself, the characteristics and traits that I view favorable and(or) positive in others, I may try to add those to my life. It's my definition, so what I say goes.
In 17 months I will be 30. And what does that mean? Hell if I know, besides I'll be thirty...lol. People put so much pressure on women and what happens after thirty. Maybe that's when life starts and its a secret society that I'll join. Either way, these are the thirty things, that I would like to experience/conquer before 11/19/2012.
Try a vegan diet for 21 days
Go bungee jumping
Run a marathon
Laugh until I cry
Get drunk off Champagne
Go to Disney
Watch the sunrise and sunset at the same spot on the same day
Play in the rain
Start my own non-profit
Teach a college course
Spend a holiday in another state
Go to a shooting range
Learn to drive a stick shift
Visit a winery
Run around the block naked
Go a whole day with no phone/internet/social networks
Get a new tattoo
Learn to pole dance
Create a life soundtrack
Learn to sew
Have a girls night/weekend sleepover party at a hotel
Learn to surf
Learn to paint
Write a book, even if its short and never gets published
Prepare a 5 course meal
Give a homeless person $100
Try a raw diet for 21 days
Start a new educational program
Read at least 30 new books
Take a shower under a natural waterfall
Upon completing each one I'll update and mark through it. Stay tuned.
Victoria Secret is having their semi-annual sale today through whenever. Usually I'm excited, but its too hot for panties.
My new and fave comfy bra the Incredible isn't on sale, so womp womp! I bought this bra three weeks ago after going in for the Miraculous. You know the bra that gives you TWO extra sizes. My non existent boobies went from bee stings to falling out of my bra-instant augmentation. I was telling the store clerk, how I loved the Miraculous, but these new preggo boobies, would not stay put. So she suggested the Incredible. I love love love love this bra!
Well Pumpkin has given me some new friends, so I needed comfort, and the Incredible is just that! Praying I keep these after breast feeding. I've heard and seen horror stories of boobies gone bad after breast feeding.
Speaking of Incredible. The Incredible Perfume is yummy for the warm weather. Not too strong, yet a sweet and sassy mix. I bought the mist, because I had just spend $200 on bras. I guess there isn't a difference between the mist and the actual perfume.
Speeding on the interstate and you pass a state trooper...it's too late to hit the brakes, yet you're still hoping the state trooper wasn't clocking you. You see the lights cut on and the trooper is right behind you...oh my!
Seeing the second line on the pregnancy test was the same feeling. I was finally free, no diapers, no pull ups, no bottles, no sleepless nights, and 7 years later this extra line on the pregnancy test...oh my! My baby is 7 years old and extremely independent. I'm finally "together" and I'm scared as hell. Which to some is a rational response. Considering the fact that I was pregnant at 18 years old and wasn't scared, then again at 20 years old and wasn't scared. Now at 28 with a career, college degrees, and viewed as "successful" by others, I'm scared as hell. I'm sure I said that already, but I mean it. At 18 and 20, I still wore sneakers and flats, had no concerns about my weight, had no routines, I just lived life-and the minors just fit in nicely. Well...I have a closet full of stilettos, short dresses, dry clean only materials, a work out schedule, two demanding minors, and now Pumpkin. All of this may seem extremely selfish, and that's fine, but it's my true raw feelings. I love Pumpkin, but I'm sure going to miss my cupcakes and stilettos!
I think about the type of parent I am, and how I'd like to rear Pumpkin. Attachment...crunchy...baby wearing. Mind you, I did not do any of that with the minors and I'd like to think they have turned out well, but we did grow up together. 5" heels and an Ergo...I haven't seen it yet, but I might can pull it off. This is our journey...